Let me start from the basics. I’m a twenty-two year old
girl, born and brought up in the National Capital Region of India. I currently
live with my parents, have a younger sister, and a dog. Normal ?
Right. Then comes the bit where I mention that my Mum is Japanese, Dad is
Oriya, and that I look, well, Assamese. Ah, interesting, isn’t it? Not really. This, is my normal.
True, we live in India ,
where the majority marries within the community, or at least within the
national boundaries. Okay, maybe it holds true across the world. So, you can
imagine the reactions of people I’ve met while growing up. In India ,
my eyes are considered small, or at least ‘chinky’, and in Japan ,
the two year old me has made old ladies turn back to take a closer look because
my eyes were so big. I have a face that sets me apart from the rest. Because,
it’s neither completely Indian, nor is it completely Japanese. I have been
stopped at the Immigrations Counter at Singapore ’s
Changi Airport
My point here is that I’ve had a lot of attention thrust on
me ever since I was a baby, simply because I have parents of different
nationalities. And this probably had something to do with how shy I was. I was
the kid who didn’t say hi, who hid behind her mother, and tugged at one side of
her skirt. I hated it. All I ever wanted to do as a kid was to fit in. Sure,
I’m a well-liked person (my mother pats herself on her back every other day for
this), I’m okay to look at (again, not really my doing, thanks to genetics),
and well, I turned out reasonably fine, so I’m not going to the extent of
saying that I’m a misfit in society. I’m just a face that sort of sticks out
even when I want to hide. Pfffft.
Considering that people have always felt generous enough to
shower some attention on me, rather than wanting people to talk about me, I’ve
grown into quite the opposite. Appearances aside (it’s something we don’t
really have control over, so why demand attention for it), I think I’ve just
worked my butt off at trying to have my work, with respect to whatever I do,
speak for itself. And secretly, maybe not just itself, but me. There’s nothing
more shameful than grabbing attention for having a pretty face and having no intelligence
whatsoever to back it up, let alone overshadow it. I’d rather be the smart one
with the interesting face, rather than just that girl with the interesting
face. Then, the mixed features have
ensured that people remember not just what I look like, but what I can do. This
I have no problem with. On the other hand, I feel lucky.
And you know what, as much as I keep shut, my work speaks
for itself. Not all the time, no, that’d be insane, but it does quite often. I
could have been the girl who brags about all the accolades meted out to her,
the medals, trophies and awards collected over the years, but to be honest, I
always feel a little embarrassed to talk about such stuff. And I’ve realized
that I have friends who feel similarly. Like receiving a distinction in
University exams, getting into an Ivy League college, a brilliant job offer. If
it’s worth it, the attention comes anyhow. Sometimes my mother comes home
flustered after listening to some lady brag about her kids. She says, she just
doesn’t feel the need to bring my achievements up. True.
And so, I’ve grown into an attention-whore hater. Well,
maybe not a hater, but I just get very cheesed off if someone tries too hard to
grab everyone’s attention. We heard you once. Well done. Now, get over it! I
feel that repeated attempts at making people aware of something you’ve done
basically magnify some severe insecurity. Severe.
Seriously, if what you’ve done is so amazing, everybody would know anyway!
This said, I’m not implying that people shouldn’t be given due credit for their
work. Of course they should. And if some people feel you’re deserving enough, they make sure others come around to
have a look.
But please, if it’s attention you’re craving, the world just
sees you as needy. There are better things to crave. Like ice-cream perhaps? :P
